Developing Empathy Will Make You a Better Leader

Have you ever worked with someone like this? A really smart — even exceptional — technologist who is always at the forefront with cutting-edge ideas that transform a project into something outstanding and useful, but (and it's a big but) who alienates everyone in the process and can't seem to get along with anyone at work.

Many of us know people who have reached a certain point in their careers because of their excellent technical abilities — but they somehow don't jibe with team members and are never promoted or may never leave the organization. This might be due to the insensitive manner in which they ask colleagues for things, the way they never seem to listen to what others say, or their intolerance for other ways of getting the work done. Do you have colleagues like this or, even closer to home, are you are a bit like this yourself?

Staff with poor people skills can often find themselves in the middle of unnecessary conflict. This can be exhausting and stressful for everyone, and it can disrupt and even destroy the best work plans by lowering morale and productivity.

There's a common belief that "you are how you are" when it comes to soft skills (i.e., attributes used when interacting with other people) — and that there's little or nothing you can do about it. Fortunately, this is far from true. A great place to start improving your soft skills or emotional intelligence is by developing the ability to empathize with others.

What Is Empathy?

Empathy is recognizing emotions in others and being able to put yourself in "another person's shoes" by understanding that person's perspective. This capacity involves being able to feel and think beyond yourself and your own concerns: it's both an emotional and a cognitive response to someone else's observed experiences. Wikipedia defines these two distinct components of empathy as follows: affective or emotional empathy is "the capacity to respond with an appropriate emotion to another's mental states" and cognitive empathy is "the capacity to understand another's perspective or mental state" ("mental state" here translates loosely as frame of mind or mood).

People who are accused of being egotistical and selfish or lacking perspective have often missed the big picture. They are somehow misguided into thinking that they are only one person in the world and that their opinion and way of doing things is the only way. It's really tough to work with people like this.

Daniel Goleman and other researchers have consistently identified empathy as a core component of emotional intelligence and powerful predictor of success in the workplace. Empathy helps us develop deep levels of rapport and trust with others both at work and in other aspects of life. It is also a critical skill for leaders and managers to develop and practice in order to lead a team successfully to advance the mission of the organization.

Having poor empathy skills can have serious consequences. It often leads to conflict that grows out of misunderstanding, and a lack of empathy can cause organizations to make serious mistakes that alienate their customers and employees. A study conducted by the Center for Creatively Leadership investigated 6,731 leaders from 38 countries. Their results reveal that empathy is positively related to job performance. The study concluded that managers who show greater empathy toward direct reports are viewed as better performers in their job by their bosses. It behooves all of us to hone our empathy skills.

Our Brains and Empathy

Neuroscientists have recently discovered that humans are wired to experience empathy through multiple systems of mirror neurons in our brains that reflect back actions (what we observe in others), causing us to mimic that action in our own brains. When we observe someone in pain or when we are with someone happy, we experience that emotion to a certain extent. These mirror neurons are the primary physiological basis of empathy.

Many people seem to be naturally empathetic; others not so much. The good news is that empathy is a skill that can be learned. Below are roadblocks to being empathetic — and ways to overcome them.

Obstacle: Inattention

Mirror neurons kick in strongest when we observe a person's emotions as manifest in facial expressions, eye expressions, body position, and gestures. But we may be inexperienced at paying attention to other people, lack the motivation to do so, or be too distracted by our own thoughts or busyness.

Pathway: Learn How to Read Others

Train yourself to be more empathetic by studying and understanding how important empathy is to successful leadership. Practice active listening, which redirects your focus from what's going on inside your own head to other people and their needs. By focusing on other people, you demonstrate that you are interested in them — in what motivates them, in the opportunities and challenges they face, and in how you might help them as the leader.

Fine-tune your nonverbal observation skills by watching for microexpressions (small quick facial expressions). In his book Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman states that "the more sharply attentive we are, the more keenly we will sense another person's inner state."

Obstacle: Communication Style

You may connect with another person but not know how or when to communicate empathetically. One of the biggest barriers to empathy can be the pressure we put on ourselves to "say the perfect thing" or to "get it right."

Pathway: Study Nonverbal Communication and Get Feedback

First, increase your awareness about your own nonverbal expressions. Notice what you are doing nonverbally when you are interacting with others. Ask people whom you trust to give you honest feedback about your nonverbal communication in various situations, especially during interactions that are more emotional than analytical.

Understand the importance of voice tone. Listen to people who are known as empathetic leaders, teachers, friends, and others. Pay attention to how they use their voices to express empathy. Sometimes just listening without judgment is enough to convey genuine empathy. Communicate to others in an authentic way that shows you understand what they are experiencing.

Recognize that in some situations, however, it may be counterproductive to respond empathetically (for instance, if people are indicating that they don't want to interact or share their feelings, be attuned to those signals). Furthermore, being too empathetic is ineffective: experiencing strong emotion doesn't necessarily translate into understanding another's perspective and can lead to avoidance instead of assistance in crisis.

An effective and empathetic leader not only sees but also validates other perspectives. Seeing why someone holds a belief is the first step. Then, you must acknowledge it, bearing in mind that acknowledgement does not equal agreement. Finally, you must accept the eternal challenge to treat opinions different from your own as equally valid.

Using Empathy Effectively

To start using empathy more effectively, follow these guidelines: listen, ask, and examine.

Listen to the entire message the other person is trying to communicate, using these faculties:

• Ears — to hear what's being said and the tone that's being used
• Eyes — to interpret body language
• Instincts — to sense what's really being communicated
• Heart — to connect with how the other person feels

Ask yourself what the other person would do. When in doubt, ask people to explain their position. This is probably the simplest — and most direct — way to understand someone else. It really is okay to ask.

Don't forget to examine your own attitude. Are you more concerned with getting your way, winning, or being right? Or is your priority to find a solution, build relationships, and accept others? With an open mind and attitude, you can make room for empathy to flourish.

Conclusion

Get feedback from people you trust and respect. Listen intently and ask better questions. Develop a sense of curiosity about others and question your own intentions. Don't get too caught up in emotions. If you practice these empathy skills when you interact with your staff, peers, and administrators, those around you will begin to see you as more caring and approachable because you will have demonstrated your interest in what they think, feel, and experience. It's a great gift to be willing and able to see the world from a variety of perspectives. But empathy is more than a gift: it's a learned skill that effective leaders can use any time, in any situation. With the ability to effectively build and maintain relationships — a critical aspect of leading people and organizations — an empathetic leader proves to be an invaluable asset to any institution. By cultivating empathy, you can be that person!

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Joan F. Cheverie is Director of Institute Programs at EDUCAUSE.

Susan Gollnick is Production Editor at EDUCAUSE.