Defining Leadership

Each of us who strive to lead must define the difference between leading and managing. One common definition is that leading is doing the right things, and managing is doing those things right.

I would like to dive deeper into this definition by reviewing one of my favorite Buddhist stories and reflecting on it.

First the Story

Soon after the rainy season had ended, three Buddhist monks set out for a secluded temple hidden in a remote valley deep within the forests of their region. The three monks were from an esoteric order that had taken a vow to neither speak to nor touch a female.

While making their way toward the distant temple early one morning, they came across a wide stream swollen by the season's heavy rainfall. By the bank of the stream was a young girl who looked in distress. The young girl was clearly at a loss regarding how to cross the stream without being swept away by the fast moving water.

Without thinking twice, the eldest of the three monks walked over to the young girl and gestured to her to get up on his shoulders. The young girl obeyed and let the elder monk carry her across the swollen stream to the other side. After placing the young girl safely down, the eldest monk continued leading the way to the secluded temple.

The youngest of the three monks could not believe what he had just witnessed. He thought to himself, "How could the eldest of our order have broken such a sacred vow?" However, the youngest monk didn't say anything. Rather, he continued on the journey in anger and silence.

As the sun passed the noon hour, the youngest monk couldn't remain silent any longer and decided to call attention to the vow the eldest monk had broken earlier that morning. Running up to the elder monk, he yelled, "Why did you carry that girl across the stream? We aren't even supposed to make eye contact with women, let alone pick them up and carry them!"

The elder monk turned to the younger monk and said, "I put that young girl down when I reached the other side of the stream, but you appear to still be carrying her with you." With that statement, the elder monk turned and continued leading the way through the forest, leaving the younger monk to contemplate his words for the remainder of the journey.

I believe this story holds several teachings about leadership. For my reflection, I will share with you what I have learned from this story and how it applies to those taking a leadership journey.

Leaders Must Do the Right Thing

Many of the world's great religions have had teachers who surfaced from time-to-time to remind their community that religious practitioners should not get so caught up in their practice that they forget why they are practicing in the first place. The elder Buddhist monk in this story was mindful of the vow he had taken regarding women. He was also mindful that the vow was not the foundation of his beliefs. Compassion is a fundamental Buddhist teaching. To keep the vow of not touching a woman, while breaking the fundamental principle of compassion, would be to misunderstand what it means to be a Buddhist monk. The elder Buddhist monk did the right thing by showing compassion to the young girl. In so doing, he also broke his vow to never touch a female. Doing the right thing in a "wrong" act sometimes reflects the complexity and paradox of leadership.

I am sure many leaders have faced decisions that required them to look beyond the rules and processes they put in place to manage their teams or organizations more effectively. Sometimes leaders act outside the boundaries of organizational rules so that the right decision moves forward. This is not always an easy judgment call to make. In my experience, you just know it is the right thing to do and you act on it. Doing the right thing is not always popular (especially among rule followers), but leading is not about following rules. Leading is about guiding a team or community in the right direction. This sometimes requires setting new pathways for others to follow.

Don't Dwell on Past Mistakes

The story of the Buddhist monks also reminds us not to dwell on the past. Once a decision is made and acted on, it is important to not fixate on whether or not the decision was the right decision. Reflection is natural and good, but fixation and second guessing are destructive. Whether or not the decision was right or wrong will be apparent soon enough. Fixating on whether the decision was right or wrong will not help.

This second lesson of the story, to not dwell on past mistakes, is a hard lesson for me. Reflection and learning from past decisions is good, but dwelling and "beating oneself up" over a bad decision is fruitless and a bad habit I personally struggle with.

When I struggle to remain positive, I try to remind myself to step up on the balcony. By focusing more on the balcony view of things, I find it easier to let go of the missteps and collisions I have made along the way.

This is easier for me to say than to execute consistently. Too often I find myself carrying my mistakes around, like the youngest monk did with the memory of the oldest monk carrying young girl. Rather than acting, reflecting, and moving boldly forward, I find myself weighed down by the memory of past mistakes. These memories can prevent me from taking the risks needed to make progress as a leader.

Mark Zuckerberg has stated a philosophy for Facebook that many technology leaders support:

"Building great things means taking risks. This can be scary and prevents most companies from doing the bold things they should. However, in a world that's changing so quickly, you're guaranteed to fail if you don't take any risks. We have another saying [at Facebook]: 'The riskiest thing is to take no risks.' We encourage everyone to make bold decisions, even if that means being wrong some of the time."

Modern technology leaders and elder Buddhist monks seem to know the same truth about leadership; namely, doing the right thing sometimes means taking risks. As you take risks, you will make mistakes — that's a fact. Don't let that prevent you from continuing to do the right thing, and don't carry your mistakes around with you. Rather, put the memories of your mistakes down and lead by taking new risks. That is the only way to successfully continue your leadership journey.

Acknowedgment

This leadership reflection is an edited version of material originally developed for distribution by MOR Associates.

Rick Tyler (ricketyler.com) became an independent consultant in September 2017 after serving as an IT leader at Washington University in St. Louis for 18 years.